Johnathan Michael Ortiz
November 1, 1962 - May 18, 2018
I don't remember meeting Johnny. He was just one of those people in your life that was just always there. I have no memory of anyone saying "Cecilia, meet Johnny." I just know that some time back when we were both 12 or 13, we met and became friends. Over the years our relationship went from friends to intimate then back to friends. We ran the gamut of emotions for each other that finally settled into a comfortable love for each other that was more than just a "buddy" but a real family member.
When John Paul called me on that Friday to tell me of his death I was sincerely and utterly shocked. I cried. I bawled and boo-hooed all the way home. I kept waiting for JP to call back and say JUST KIDDING! He's right here. And John would get on and say something derogatory about JP and make me laugh...after I got mad at the joke, of course.
It also made me think of my parents. My Father would sit at his computer perusing the obit section of his hometown online newspaper. He'd turn to my Mother, "Hey, remember Yolanda (insert common Hispanic name here)? She was married to that guy, George (some other name). His Dad used to own that store on Elizabeth St. And she would respond, "Oh yeah, I graduated with his sister, he was a grade above us." or something like that. Then he'd tell her that she had died or he had died or some family member they knew had died. I would listen to this exchange and think how maudlin it was to sit there and tick off all the people you knew. That one's gone and that one, now this one...etc. Now I find myself doing it.
It started with my Grandmother in 2005. She was 95 years old and was tired of living. She had a stroke and just wasted away. Sr. Evelyn Marie, my voice coach/piano teacher, died right after that from injuries sustained when she was hit by a car. She was in her 60's, I think. Dale died in 2006 then my Father in 2008, Pat Bruni and Alicia Hernandez in 2010, Mom in 2014 and now Johnathan in 2018. You see, my Grandmother and my parents, they were older, they had lived their lives and raised their families. They had physical ailments that made life difficult so the fact that they died was almost a blessing. No more pain and suffering, they were free from all that and this crazy fucked up world. Even Pat Bruni, she was in her late 60s and had breast cancer. The second time it came back she just didn't want to fight it anymore so she died. Another one free from pain and sickness. I miss her so much but don't blame her one bit.
Alicia, Dale and Johnathan though...those were unfair. Yes, Alicia had breast cancer but to die so young (in her 40's) with young girls that still needed to be "raised". They need their Mama.
And Dale, leaving me here to raise our kids all by myself. I know he didn't mean to die. He was killed in an accident, he didn't ask for this. I know that but it doesn't take away the anger of having to raise men without a role model. Now Johnny...seriously? He was trying to get his act together, pay off his house and be free to enjoy his life. He wanted to have fun in his old age. He had jobs to do, people to love and a life to live. The fact that he was an alcoholic and a chain smoker didn't help him at all. I'm not surprised by his death but I am heartbroken by it. I knew it was coming, I guess I hoped he'd beat the odds and live in spite of himself.
One thing his death did do was wake a sleeping giant in me. I've started doing all the projects I wanted him to do for me. I enlisted my sons help and dug in. It's about damn time, too. I've gone back to eating better and working to lose weight. I am taking better care of myself. I have so much left to do and I'm not ready to be ticked off the list just yet. My kids need me.
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon them. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen! +
